The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
