Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
