sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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