Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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