I can tuck mytits in my pants
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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