I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
too bad you live with your parents still
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
