did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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