obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
