I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
