would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
