but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
