soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
