There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
