She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
