Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
