she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
