cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
