I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
