My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
