Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
