i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
