It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
