dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're like the curious george of whores
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
