Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
