I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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