i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
