Will you blow on my dice?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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