Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
