Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
