sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
