If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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