just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
