Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize