I puked a lego.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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