PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
