Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
