Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
