wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
