Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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