Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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