careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
