I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I AM VODKA MAN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
