You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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