so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
