I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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