drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
