is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
