Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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I need you to use more vowels.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize