I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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