I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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