I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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