why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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