just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize