He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
