Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
