ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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