so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
