Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
