My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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