I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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