You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
