you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
