at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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