is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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