just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
