there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
