I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shame - the story of my life.
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