I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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