But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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