cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
