just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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